Sweat your butt off. Literally.

I love Pinterest. I always find the best workouts on there. Today's workout came straight from Pinterest, and it was great, I'm sore, and I really got an amazing workout.

I started with a quick jog around the block, then did this routine 3 times, and then walked around my block to cool down. It took 30 minutes, and I counted it as 30 minutes of circuit training with minimal rest.

Not all days are good days

Maybe that should say, not all weeks are good weeks.  This was a hard week for me. I felt like giving up several times. Mostly due to kids stressing me out. For some reason, my usually sweet 5 year old was a holy terror this week. Not even exaggerating a little. She had me in tears in the mall food court. I cried all the way home.

On top of mommy stress was continued dieting stress. Dieting is stressful. At what point does it become a cake walk? No really, when do I get cake?!  I feel like all I do it think about numbers, and record. I spend my whole days looking at labels, and measuring. I just want eating to be simple again. I just want to choose something and eat without feeling guilt or worry over how many calories I just consumed.

But I've come too far now, I can't seem to stop the ball from rolling. I can't not think about calories.

What's even worse is that I feel like I'm at a stand still. I have been the same weight for two weeks. I am racking my brain trying to figure out what on earth I could be doing wrong. I had an hour long whine fest with my husband obsessing over how much I hate dieting and how unfair it is, and how my body never cooperates, and why the hell is it so freaking hard to loose one measly pound, and what am I doing wrong!! (He meanwhile has lost 5 pounds this week alone).

I was on the verge of giving up, but I didn't. I counted, and I hiked, and I counted, and went for a 3 mile walk with husband, and I woke up this morning with 1 inch gone from my waist and another pound down.

This is exhausting. The payout feels so ridiculously slow. Most days I just don't know if being skinny is worth all the work. But then I have to remind myself, you've come this far. You have worked super hard, and you may hate it, but how much will you hate it if you give up and gain back all that you lost in a week, when you have struggled for 4 weeks to lose it.

I keep thinking of my hill metaphor, Im part way up that hill, why on earth would I consciously choose to roll back now and start all over. I'm tired of starting over. I want all this hard work to mean something.

I can do this.

Portions, you're kidding right?

The most upsetting thing during this whole process has been learning what a real normal portion looks like. I was initially very upset by what I was supposed to consider a portion, but now into week 3 I am wondering how I ever ate more than this.

Counting calories forces you to look at the suggested serving size, so you know how much to record, and it is shocking just how much we become accostomed to eating in one sitting. Because our culture is all about bigger being better these days, we are used to being served way  more than we should. So when we see normal porton sizes we think it's some sick joke. How can that be possible, we will starve! You are kidding right?

But your body really doesn't need all that excess, and as you go your stomach shrinks to a more managable size, and regular portions suddely seem like plenty.

It's also sad to see what things have very small portion sizes with high calorie content. For example I gave the kids some Whole Grain Club crackers, and I ate one, then had another before putting them away, and as I was putting them away I looked at the side of the box, holy crap! 4 measly crackers is a serving and it's also 70 claories.... when your diet is hovering around 1300 for the day, that's 70 wasted calories and you are still starving. So be careful, read your labels, makes ure you are eating wisely. Don't waste your calories on high calorie foods or you will be hungry.

This is a great illustraton of the changes in the last 20 years, no wonder we are all fat! You can find a bagel closer to the size on the left at any grocery store, mini bagels are 110 calories, whereas your basic bagel, what we are used to calling normal, is 250-300 calories. After years of considering the big bagels "normal" the mini bagels seem like a complete joke, but it's all about re-training your brain to see what real healthy portions are.

Stop guessing, measure, and get it right. Chances are if you are just guessing about your portion sizes, you are way off. We have been trained to see all the wrong things. Eating smaller portions is not about being deprived, it's about getting back to normal.

weigh in week 3

It's the start of week 3 and that mystery weight I complained about last weigh a few posts ago has vanished and I'm down another pound! I'm so glad I didn't give up.

Weight: 190.6

Waist 40"
Butt: 43"
Arm: 13"
Thigh: 24"
Calf: 16.5"

I have lost about 1/2 an inch all around with a full inch in my butt and waist! Sweet!

Onto week 3!!

week 2 sucks

Somehow, the excitement of week one always makes me forget the complete suckiness of week two. It never fails, week one is productive and impressive. I feel great, energized, I loose weight, usually more than I thought I would, and then we hit week two like a tube sock of soap across the face. Weight loss comes to a screeching halt, and with it, my motivation.

In week one I am in a full out sprint to the finish line, and in week two I'm barely dragging ass to the water station. It totally blows. I forget my own advice quite quickly. I forget that weight loss is meant to be a marathon, not a sprint. And my sprinting in week one that led to such amazing quick results, sadly can't continue. I also forget how sprinting leads to exhaustion, and burnout.

So I slowed myself down, and kept reminding myself, this is about changing my body. The scale is NOT always the best way to measure your progress. At the end of week one I was 191.8, then somehow two days later, after a lot of working out, and eating right I gained! I gained back a little ever a pound... what the heck?? I have no idea where it came from. The next day I weighed again and I was down to 192.8, which broke the other cardinal weight loss rule, don't weigh yourself every day.

So here I am stagnant this week at 192.8, but I am not giving up. I measured my waist this morning, and I lost an inch!! That is still progress. I may not have seen the scale move but last week my waist was one inch wider. It's a slow steady process, and I really think week three will yield better results. I think week one your body is shocked. You drop weight and then week two comes and your body says, hold on here, just what the heck are we doing? I don't know if I like this.... then week three comes, and I am crossing my fingers that week three your body gets on board and gives in to the fact that we are sticking to this.

So for anyone who has ever been stuck in week 2 and tempted to give up, don't. You are making changes, you really are. It all be worth it. I feel this needs to be shared again. Not just for you, but for me.

Work it 2

I have been doing these workouts with my friend E and some other mommies every Monday, they are really great! The first one totally kicked my butt, but they are starting to get a little easier. My favorite was one we did last week

This workout can be done anywhere, we just happened to have a circular sidewalk that happened to be the perfect length, but you can do this anywhere. I modified it just a tad.

So warm up with a jog, about 2 minutes.

40 lunges
20 tires hops (make em big)
20 frog hops
duck walks 1 minute (get in a squat position and walk)
sprint 30 seconds
bear crawls 2 minutes (bend over and put your palms on the ground and walk forward)
side steps 1 minute
running backwards 2 minutes

now do it all again the opposite direction

the entire routine should take you 25 minutes, but I found when I did it myself it only took like 16 so if you find you end sooner, jog until your 25 minutes is up

done- circuit training minimal rest 25 minutes

Thanks so much E! I love your workouts.

Real Success Story

    Happy  Monday!! It's a few days into week two of my weight loss journey and I wanted to start the week off with a guest post by my little sister who recently lost 50 lbs! I am so inspired by her, and so excited by her progress. She sent me the before and after photos and her personal weight loss story to share with all of you.

 

 

 

 

My Name is Abigail, and just like so many others I’ve struggled with my weight for years. I could never go clothes shopping without wanting to bulldoze the store or imagining punching all the employees. I would wear giant Sweatshirt’s year round to hide everything, and for almost every New Years my goal would be "Loose Weight," but of course I never did. The beginning of 2013 went a little different though. I had just graduated high school, and I got tired of avoiding mirrors and the constant complaint from courts saying “Its not okay to destroy super stores and injure their employee’s because you don't’ fit in their clothes.” So I thought it was about time I make some changes, and I did.

   

In January I made a workout schedule and I started eating healthier, It was terrible. I hated every second of my cardio and who in their right mind likes carrots and celery more than a donut? Whoever these people are who say health food is just as tasty as junk food is a liar. Throughout the first week I was so irritable from not eating what I wanted, and sweating enough to fill a pool that I wanted to kill everyone and anyone who tried to talk to me. I thought about cake and chicken nuggets more than any person ever should, and when the first week ended I cracked. I think I ate an entire chocolate cake and loved every second of it. But before this becomes an erotic junk food story, I’ll skip ahead and tell you that even though I was miserable I stuck to working out and eating relatively healthy. Thankfully through my persistence it became much easier to stick to it.

   

For those who know me well, I never talk about one thing for a long period of time; I talk about everything in a short period of time, which as many of you probably guessed is called being ADHD. Unfortunately I am ADHD so that made it hard for me to stay motivated in my workouts. I started out exercising on an elliptical for thirty minutes everyday, and I didn’t stay enthusiastic about that for long. I searched online for different cardio routines to do, and because I couldn't buy a gym pass it had to all be at home. Luckily I had two punching bags, and elliptical and a treadmill so that widened the search a bit. I came across a couple of routines that I liked so I wrote them down. After about a week I had found a lot more routines online that I liked so I decided to write them down as well and put them in a binder so I had quick access to them. I am so glad I decided to do that because I use that binder everyday. From looking for routines over the past 5 months I probably have more than eighty or so different routines in it, If my ADHD was a person he’d be in love with that binder, he would take her hand in marriage then soon have four kids and own a lovely home on the countryside. But I digress, now whenever someone asks me what workouts I do I’m not sure what to say because I have done almost everything. I tried video programs, an elliptical machine, floor workouts, kickboxing, dancing, riding a bike, strength training, walking and jogging on a treadmill, Intervals, High Intensity Interval Training, Hiking, I’ve even played Just Dance and gotten so into it that I count it as a workout.

   

The hardest thing for me through this was my diet. I thought a lot about if I should start a specific diet, do detoxes, or count calories and I finally decided to not do any of it. Being two or three months into my new schedule and already knowing that I had trouble with not eating sweets, I thought it would be pointless to try and cut sweets and other junk food’s completely out of my diet. The stress of craving those foods was doing more damage to my body than eating them would ever do. Now I’m not encouraging eating cake for every meal or anything like that, my personal thoughts on it is if you are craving something go ahead and eat it. Mindful eating has become my diet. I don’t count calories I just keep track of what I eat and try not to eat more fruits and veggies than I normally do. I started out hating all vegetables and avoided them but now I love carrots, snap peas, cucumbers, and baby spinach so much! I eat them daily for snacks and with my meals. There are days that I want to only eat junk and I have to stop myself but those days are mostly when I’m menstruating so I have some sort of an excuse. I think the most important thing I try and remember everyday is not to stress myself out and be able to eat what I want without feeling guilty.

   

Now I think it’s important to add that I didn’t decide to keep exercising to get “Skinny” or to “Have a hot Bod.” It was definitely one of the reasons I started, though I think if it was the only thing that I wanted I would have stopped in January. I keep exercising and eating better because it made me feel happy and content with my life. I am Bipolar and have been extremely depressed for years. I’ve been in and out of a rehabilitation center four times, tried many medications for my disorder that seemed to not help at all. All of those things made my life miserable and the reason I kept exercising was because I didn’t have to take mind numbing medications for me to feel happy. Now, I am telling the people who are reading this very personal things not because I love telling people that I’m crazy, but because I want them to know that being skinny or pretty will not make you happy or make life any easier or more enjoyable. Being confident in life and with your decisions you make everyday will make life a beautiful place and that is why I love to exercise.

 

Any day that I start feeling depressed the moment I step on that treadmill I smile and lift my head to the sky. I am now only taking medications for my ADHD and have never been happier in my life. I may not be at my goal weight and I may not look like a Victoria’s Secret model, but when I look in the mirror I see a pride in myself that I have never had before. Exercising every day has become an enjoyable experience instead of a dreaded waste of energy. Exercise is the best antidepressant I have ever taken, and believe me I’ve taken just about every one.

   

After about five months I’ve lost about fifty pounds. I am 5’8” and at my biggest I was 220 pounds I am now 170 pounds and happier than a Piglet in a mud bath, whatever that means. I’m going to end this post by saying don’t exercise so the world will love you, exercise so your mind and body will thank you.

Work it!

Today I have to work out at home, which is fine I have pinned a ridiculous amount of workouts on Pinterest I need to try. Here is one of my favorites. I will be doing this today.

I follow this up with 40 bridge press: lay on your back hands at your sides, lift your butt off the ground and pulse at the top 40 times, don't let you butt drop low, keep it high. Little pulses.

Then 20 side leg lifts on each leg: lay on your side with the leg on the floor bent and the leg on top straight out, lift the top leg up and down

Then bent leg lifts: same thing just bend the top leg out in front of you.

20 Table leg lifts on each leg: get on all fours and lift one leg up behind you keeping it bent, and pulse it up in the air 20 times, don't let your knee drop too low.

Follow that up by 3 sets of 12 bicep curls with the rubber band (exercise band): place band under one foot, and grab band, bend elbows. control the movement up and down.

Then 3 sets of 15 triceps pulls: place the band under both feet bend at the waist grab the band so it is tight when you pull up. Pull up raising elbows in the air.

Next 20 pushups

End with 3 sets of 12 bench dips: sit on a bench, place hands on the bench and slide your butt off the bench supporting yourself with your hands, then dip down.

I added 20 more squats for a total of 25 minutes of circuit training.

Have fun!!

Weighing In Week 1

Week one is done! It went fairly well I would say. Only a few times I wanted to eat crappy food, but didn't and it totally paid off!

Weight: 193.6 = 3.8 lbs of weight lost!

I am going to hold off on measurements until next week. I feel like that is an every other week kind of thing :)

Onto week two, I'm feeling super optimistic.

If you want to follow my diet and exercise more closely to see how I am making changes happen, you can become part of My Fitness Pal http://www.myfitnesspal.com/ and request me a s a friend. Then you will have access to my daily food and exercise journal. Even if you don't want to follow me, it's a great tool check it out!

It's all uphill from here baby

Yeah, you read that right, it's all uphill. Weight loss is an uphill trek, and it's not one of those tiny fake hills, its pretty much a 90 degree angle straight up.

I go on these bike rides 2-3 times a week, and the bike path is quite hilly, but there is this one hill that I like to call the hill from hell. Seriously, I have to gear down to my lowest gear and then peddle up at a snails pace to get up the stupid thing. On my way up I curse the obvious extreme biker who thought this would be the perfect place to put the path.

So I am peddling uphill this morning, sweating and swearing. And this is when the analogy hit me. This is how weight loss is. It feels hard and frustrating, you may cursing every cupcake you ever ate, or cursing the fact that cupcakes aren't calories free. You get sweaty, you feel worn out, and you want to quit half way up. But this hill is your only path home, it's uphill or nothing. Now imagine that you get halfway up this enormous hill and you have worked your butt off just to get this far, and you make the conscious decision to coast backwards down the hill.

I know what you are thinking, "why the heck would I do that!? It took me forever just to get here, attempting that again might just kill me." Only a dummy would go backwards right? Except we do this all the time. I have done it several times.

We start our trek up the hill to reach our weight loss goals, and we have the very best intentions of making it to the top, but somewhere along the way we make the choice to go back down, sometimes it's a slow coast, and sometimes it's a full on race to the bottom. Going down is certainly faster, it takes a week to pack on 10 lbs and 5 weeks to loose it. That's the sad truth.

So why are we doing it? Why are we choosing to undo all the work we did, all the effort we put in? Why don't we just keep going? The simple truth, it's hard, it's long, and it seems like we may never reach the top. It's a struggle.

I am nearing the end of week one and I can think of at least 3 times that I felt like giving in. What would a cupcake hurt? What harm could one donut do? Are french fries really that bad?  But I am making progress, I have lost 3 lbs! That progress is keeping me from giving up.

So when you get going up the hill instead of looking up at how far you have to go, look back at how far you have come, and keep going. If you need to stop for a rest do it. Sometimes we all need a break. But by break I don't mean pull into the nearest McDonalds drive through. I mean if you have been aiming for 2 lbs of weight loss a week, maybe scale back to 1 lbs a week, for a day or two, or even the whole diet. Scale back on your workouts a little. You don't have to race up the hill, it's a marathon remember, not a sprint. Go at a pace that works for you, anything it takes not to turn back.

When I get going up the hill I think of one of two things, the little engine that could "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I know I can" or Dory from Finding Nemo "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, what do we do we swim.."

Keep swimming, because I know you can, I know you can!

These are a few of my favorite treats...

As I typed that I sang "these are a few of my favorite things" from The Sound f Music. I LOVE that movie, when I was little I was wished so badly that I could grow up to be Julie Andrews. I secretly hoped we were somehow related since we had the same last name.

Anyway back on track, aside rom Mrs. Andrews, I also LOVE sweets. It has been so hard to give them up, which is why I didn't, no completely anyway. I found little things I could divulge in without totally ruining my hard work.

These little guys are freakin delicious. 100 calories, two bars filled with something that tastes enough like chocolate to fool my brain.

I only love pudding when I can't have candy bars, and cake, which is now, so right now I absolutely love this little cup of heaven. It's 100 calories, fat free, sugary goodness.

Yoplait, I can't say enough how much I love their flavors. Boston cream pie, strawberry shortcake, red velvet cake. A mini dessert virtually fat free 100 calories.

Now I don't eat these every day, because truthfully they are a waste of precious calories when you only get 1250 a day. I save them for when I am in desperate need of a treat. Typically on a day that I work out and have extra calories to spare.

What are your favorite diet friendly treats?

Breakfast of Champions

I feel like breakfast in the seriously the most important part of your day when it comes to dieting. If you start it off wrong, you are hungry and grumpy all day. Now that I am losing weight I think it's safe to share what I'm eating that's working for me.

This morning my breakfast came in at 333 calories, not bad!

What I ate:

One large egg, mixed with one serving of egg white

Half a banana sliced on top of

One piece of wheat toast with

One TBS of Justin's Maple Almond Butter (one of my very favorites, much healthier than peanut butter)

One 8 oz cup of coffee with

Two TBS of Nestle Natural Bliss Vanilla Creamer

One variation of this is to have half a whole wheat mini bagel with one TBS of 1/3 less fat cream cheese, less calories than the banana butter toast, but I chose this because I am heading out o to work out this morning and I have read that carbs are great before a vigorous work out.

I find that protein in the morning is a must for me, or I am grumpy and tired. Because I don't want to eat eggs every day I have looked for other alternatives that won't kill my diet. Kashi makes great cereal with protein, my favorite is Kashi Go Lean Crunch Honey Almond Flax. It's really good, but let it soak in your milk for a few minutes or you might chap tooth, they aren't kidding when they say Crunch.

Off to work out! Have a great morning, and get out there and work out before it gets to hot :)



**Picture courtesy of http://www.health.com/health/recipe/0,,50400000108124,00.html**

Kids

Yes, they are wonderful, amazing, the light of your life but they are also time consuming, little stress causers. Which is a huge obstacle when it comes to weight loss. I know so many mothers who struggle to get back into their pre-baby jeans, after the first baby, and by baby 3 they are Googling "cute ways to to turn those old jeans into something useful," because they have given up all hope of ever fitting into them again.

Weight loss takes time; time to exercise, time to plan meals, and count calories. Weight loss also requires that your body is not constantly stressed. Stress causes the body to hold onto fat, a lovely parting gift from God. Sure it's helpful for survival, but other than that, its a big fat pain in the butt.

If you are one of those moms who is super chill and the kids never stress you out, I envy you SO much. But for me "mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, he said I smell like boogers" "mom, she took my toy, "mom can you get me this, and that, and one of those," "mom, mom, mom, mom, mom," well, you get the picture; that stresses me out. That on top of their constant bickering. Hearing blood curtling screams over a fly, or a gust of wind, or hurt feelings makes my skin crawl and and I head straight for that emergency cupcake,  or two. I would head straight for the Xanax, but the doctor said no, so cupcakes it is!

So not only does the stress hold onto the fat, the stress makes me want to eat more stuff that is going to pile more fat on top of the current fat.  It's a vicious cycle.

So what do we do??

Sadly I don't actually have the answers, at least not clear cut easy ones. Each mom has a different set of circumstances. I have attempted to work out with the kids, for me and them. I want them to be active and feel like having an active lifestyle is the norm. I take them hiking, and on long walks (3-4 miles), bike rides, and to play tennis. And  they never fail to make it the most miserable experience ever.

Last summer it was all new, they loved hiking, they loved going on walks. But this summer, they whine and complain, and cry. They talk about how much they hate it 3/4 of the time we are out. I don't know what happened. After the pouting and whining on our last walk I am extremely hesitant to try that again any time soon. Prior to that was a 4 mile hike that included about 2 miles of crying, and "are we there yet" followed by "I never want to hike again." To be fair I think the hike was a little long, but they were complaining before we started.

I had such high hopes...

However, I did take them to the park the other day and it just happened to be a park with a basketball court and a circular side walk around the park. This park is perfect for working out. I am able to work out while they play.

I will still take them hiking, we will still go on walks, and hopefully the misery will subside, hopefully they will start to find joy in the activity.

I think as a mom the only answer really, is to work out around them, find what works and do it. In some cases that may be a gym membership where they have childcare, it may mean taking turns with your husband, it may mean taking just 45 minutes out of your evening to go for a quick run or walk or jog after your husband gets home. If you are a single mom it may mean getting out and being active with your kids, and crossing your fingers for a compliant kid. Whatever you do, do something, as tempting as it is to use the kids as your excuse, the truth is there are plenty of moms in all situations who make it work, who make it a priority, and who are fit and healthy.

It's time for me to be that mom, it's time for YOU to be that mom.

A little humor for your day

 

I believe laughter is key...

A little inspiration

I find that my biggest excuse for not loosing weight is the time that it takes to loose the weight. Sadly it just doesn't happen over night and sometimes it feels like you are working so hard and the pay off is sooooo slow, when you can gain 10 lbs in a week, but it takes 6 weeks to loose it. It's a bit unfair. But I look back at the time that has passed and how many times I said I was gonna loose the weight and how many times I gave up because I just didn't want to stick to it.

Someone once told me, weight loss is not a sprint it's a marathon, you have to keep going. So every day I remind myself, the time will pass anyway, it did pass, don't let today pass without making a change, without putting in the effort.

It remind me of my other favorite Pinterest quote, "a year from now you will wish you started today."

Start today

Weighing In

I think I like this post the least, because it forces me to put it all out there and to really see myself in a way I avidly try to avoid.

Weight: 197.4 (according to my home scale 2 days ago)
Height: 5'7"

Measurements

Waist: 41.5"
Butt: 44"
Arm: 13.5"
Thigh: 24.5"
Calf: 16.5"

No weight loss blog would be complete without my least favorite part, the "before" photos. Even as I type I am dreading it posting it. (thinking positively, we are making changes, this is not permanent!)

Please ignore the princess castle in the back... although that's certainly part of my problem. As much as I love my children, I have to say, they are not weight loss promoters.

I like to think that shirt just ins't flattering, but lets be real, clothes can't work miracles. But hopefully diet and exercise can! On to day 3. Wish me luck :)

Day 2

Today was much better. I felt more motivated and more enthusiastic. I started my day with a healthy breakfast and went for a bike ride. 11.8 miles at about 16-20 mph and I burned 900 calories!

I kept track of everything I ate and treated myself to a light, no whip, mocha cookie crumble frappuccino from Starbucks you can find the nutrition info here

http://www.starbucks.com/menu/drinks/frappuccino-blended-beverages/chocolate-cookie-crumble-frappuccino-blended-beverage#size=11020130&milk=61&whip=NA

I love how so many restaurants are getting on board and listing their nutrition info, it certainly makes it easier to make healthy choices.

My husband and I went out for dinner because I was so craving the california club pizza at California Pizza Kitchen. The nutrition info for that is found here http://info.cpk.com/documents/nutrition_facts.pdf

Although it seems heathy it's quite deceptive, in fact it has the most calories of any pizza on the regular menu! I didn't eat the whole thing. Moderation :)

Then we went for a nice walk 3 miles again. That made me feel less guilty about the dinner choice. And I still came in way under my calorie budget.

I burned 1738 calories today. It was a good day!

Rules

So in all my years of weight loss struggle there are a few truths I have heard again and again.

1. Drink more water, dehydration can disguise itself as hunger.
I am horrible about drinking water, mainly because I don't feel very thirsty and I have the tiniest bladder  ever, so I feel like the more I drink the more I'm rushing to the bathroom. But I know this is important. Also apparently drinking enough water can actually help your burn calories.

2. Eat more protein, or be hungry.
I agree with this one whole heartedly, I find myself feeling so hungry sometimes, and a little beef jerky goes a long way.

3. Cardio is great for your heart, but muscle burns more fat and calories.
I had a trainer a few years ago who told me your body will adjust to your cardio routine. He insisted that strength training was the way to loose weight. He said muscle actually burns more calories just doing every day stuff like cleaning the house, walking around the grocery store etc. He said you should be doing some sort of strength training at least 4 times a week, and cardio 2-3 times for about 50 min. When I worked out with him I saw my body change.

4. The scale is a horrible predictor of success.
This is too true. When I was working out with the trainer, and even afterwards I barely saw the scale budge after weeks of hard work, but my body was changing, I looked leaner and fitter. He told me not to worry about the scale, just worry about how your clothes fit. So buy a tape measure and measure your success on inches lost, and the way you fit in your clothes.

5. Completely depriving yourself is a success killer.
You have to allow yourself a cheat day. This doesn't mean totally pig out one day a week, that will ruin your progress. What it does mean is allow yourself a day to not obsess, eat something you like, just be careful not to over do it. Do eat a slice of pizza maybe 2; do not eat the entire pizza.

I found this helpful "skinny rules" list on Pinterest by Bob Harper, the trainer from The Biggest Looser

To follow my fitness board on Pinterest click here http://pinterest.com/courtneylee84/fitness/

Dieting, it's not rocket science... or is it?

Like I previously stated, dieting is the most challenging part of loosing weight. Mostly because there is so much conflicting information. There seems to be an endless list of diets that "work." Atkins, Paleo, Vegetarian, raw food diet, low fat, etc. And the worst thing is they all tend to contradict themselves. 

I had a friend who was a vegan, she was fabulously fit, tall slender and beautiful. Obviously Vegetarian was the way to go. She gave me a copy of Skinny Bitch, which turned out to be a hard core dose of Vegan doctrine. Horror stories of slaughter houses, mixed with a good spoonful of "shame on you for eating meat you fat ass." I attempted to be a vegetarian for about two days, but found that I felt horrible, and was eating more carbs than ever before. I'm sure proponents would say I was doing it all wrong, and vegetarian is not the same as vegan, but I won't go back. 

Then I had a friend who struggled with her weight for a long time, and finally found something that worked for her. She was looking amazing and it was very obviously working. She directed me to The Primal Blue Print (a version of paleo). I read the book and felt convinced, this was the answer. I jumped right on board and lost 5 lbs the first week. Cutting carbs made me feel less moody, and less tired. I felt satisfied and never hungry, and hey I lost 5 lbs! But week two came and I lost nothing, and I was starting to get really tired of food, eating was becoming a tedious chore, and I wasn't feeling quite as chipper as I had the week before. Then week 3 I lost it, not weight, my mind. I hadn't lost any more weight and I was feeling awful, depression set in hard. It could have been the loss of fun foods, or the fact that I wasn't losing weight, but I think it was the loss of carbs. I found an article online that talked about how some people are in fact "carb cravers" and even though reduction in carbs is supposed to lead to less anxiety and depression, it can actually increase depression in these people. So I gave up and had a scone and felt like myself again.

When I was younger (17) I lost weight in the popular teen way and starved myself thin with good workout purge every day. I got down to 128 at my thinnest. It worked. And honestly some days I feel like this is the most effective method. But when I think back I was a gooey sort of thin, no muscle definition, which is what I really want. I find a nice hard body super sexy. I want to look fit and active. 

I had gallbladder surgery about 5 years ago and prior to surgery I had to go on a strict low fat diet. It was intense and miserable, and I hated it, until I shed 28 lbs in two months, I felt amazing. I continued that path for several months and went from 199 to 175. I felt incredible, but I had plateaued and I was feeling diet fatigue. Again it was getting kind of boring. I was used to the life style change, but I wanted to be able to treat myself too sometimes. Unfortunately sometimes turned into most times, and over the winter I gained back 15 lbs. Then another winter came with a summer of no weight loss and I gained back 10 more lbs. Now here I am at 197 (according to my home scale). I thought I had kicked my emotional dependency on food, but like alcoholics you don't ever really leave it behind so much as you spend a life avoiding your vice. The sometimes threw me right back into my bad habits and then my unhealthy relationship with M&M's. 

The clearest definition I have heard is burn more than you consume. Some diets will poo poo the idea of low fat saying it's not good for you, some diets will poo poo calorie restriction, while other hail it as the miracle cure for obesity. In my experience low fat/ portion control work. I'm not saying the other diets don't work, they just don't work for me. Which stinks, I mean who doesn't want to eat bacon and burgers all the time? 

So my current plan is to cut back, and work on portion control, burn more than I consume and cross my fingers. My Fitness Pal came up with a calorie pal for me based on my height, weight and activity level. Simple enough... I hope..

Day 1

So day one was actually yesterday, but the blog idea came to me today, so we will back track. Yesterday was hard, I was home with the kids, and I was tired. But I found a great app for my iPad which was also available on my Windows phone (I know it doesn't make sense). Anyway the app is called My Fitness Pal. It's fabulous, you can record your food and exercise, and watch your progress.

What wasn't fabulous was the start of the diet, I'm sorry "lifestyle change." I worked hard all day, and though about cupcakes ALL day. But I did it! I stuck to my diet and even stayed under my calorie allowance for the day. I drug my kids to the park and I did a quick work out routine a mommy friend taught me, while my kids played. When you're a mom it's all about working it around your children, which makes the whole process much harder. But I did it and I felt great. I felt like I did something.

To be fair I had taken my kids to play tennis first thing that morning, but since they are still learning it's mostly me standing and then walking to collect balls, which truly isn't enough of a work out to do anything.

So once my husband got home we went for a nice 3 mile walk, which I track on my phone with Runtastic, not quite as wonderful as Map My Run, but sadly I can't get that app on my phone. Anyway I burned like 700 calories on that walk. Freakin sweet :)

That night when I closed out my entry for the day on My Fitness Pal a little screen popped up that said "Great Job! If every day is like today you will be 184.7 lbs in 5 weeks!" I had mixed feelings about that. First I was like, seriously 5 weeks, ugh today was hard. Then I was like "Hey 5 weeks just like this and I will loose 13 lbs!" I can do it. I can do it.

It all started at the business end of the speculum....

No seriously... I was waiting in the uncomfortable blue Kaiser chairs that were way too close together with 4 other women. The chairs are shoved in a tight rectangle, and each woman is sitting as far from the other as possible trying to look preoccupied with their phone, or some horrible doctors office magazine, but we all know why we are there. It's like waiting in line for the bathroom in public, don't fool yourself, we all know what's about to happen.

As if the gynecologist isn't bad enough, they go through the motions like any other check up, temp, blood pressure, and yes, the scale...

I tentatively step on the scale, and cringe as the numbers stare back at me on the little monitor. Those evil red numbers glare at me screaming  "put down the fork."

When the nurse leaves the room I undress, and look in the mirror they so nicely provide, so this is what 199 lbs looks like. I put on the lovely smock and wait. And there it is on the wall next to the STD and pregnancy pamphlets, "BMI Chart." I scan the chart 5,7" normal weight 128-159. No biggie, I'm only 40 lbs over the fattest I'm allowed to be. I am trying to remember back to a time when I was in fact 159. Maybe 9 years ago before I got pregnant with my son. And I thought I was fat then. Good grief.

The doctor comes in, she is super pleasant, she makes small talk in an attempt to make the appointment less awkward and uncomfortable. I complain about how hard weight loss is. I tell her I work out a lot and I have been really trying, that's when she says it, "working it is for your heart, diet if for weight loss."

I've heard this a million times, "abs are made in the kitchen" and other stupid sayings I hate. I want so badly to believe excersize is the key and I don't have to give up cupcakes, and pizza. She tells me about a fitness tracker app I can try. Yeah ok.

But on my way home I can't stop thinking about how out of control I have let myself get. I keep thing of all those inspirational quotes I post on Pinterest all the time, and all those hard bodies in the health and fitness section. I pin those too, and to be fair I have tried lots of the exercise I pinned. I want to be that, I want to be thin. I'm so tired of hating everything I try on, hating shopping, hating mirrors, and avoiding the glass windows as I pass them on the street. I'm tired of thinking of myself as the girl with the pretty face, the one who might be hot is she just dropped 50 lbs. I hate thinking this is it, I'm destined to be a frumpy out of shape mom, and why? Because I freakin love food! Who doesn't love food.

And we live in culture obsessed with it. Every other commercial is about food. I have often complained to my husband about how unfair our culture is to women. We are surrounded by pictures of perfect hard bodies, in every ad, on every magazine, and in that same ad they are selling haagen-dazs ice cream. And the ad's are quite alluring and creative, dove chocolate sells you with the idea that it's your moment, your tranquil peaceful blissful moment. The thin model takes a bite of the chocolate and smiles, and all you can think is, "I bet she didn't eat for a week before this commercial." They sell food to us like sex, and then shame us for being fat and over eating. Portions are out of control, we are served enough for for 4 people on one plate at any given restaurant. As women we see this schizophrenic portrayal and we fight our whole lives against it. We obsess from the time we are able to realize fat is ugly. We starve, we purge, we work out till we drop. Or we give in and eat ourselves silly, then we cry about being fat and console ourselves with a nice big piece of chocolate cake.

Some people have attempted to fight against the machine by embracing being overweight, being obese. I see the logic, but I think they are fighting the wrong fight. Why? Because losing weight is hard freaking work. Its not fun. And many of us have a very unhealthy relationship with food, including yours truly. I told my husband recently that I was exhausted, I was so tired of obsessing over the food I put in my mouth, tired of feeling guilty about eating. I have been worrying over my weight since I was ten years old. I'm freaking exhausted. And that's true, but what's also true is that it is hard, and I love food. I find joy and comfort in a nice slice of pizza or a chocolate cupcake, a bar of dark chocolate, a Qudoba burrito, mac n cheese, a brownie, a cookie. The list is endless.

The thought of giving all that up, feels like torture some days, it feels like depravation, and not just of food, but of an emotional crutch. I stress eat. It's not just about giving up the food, it's about giving up my coping mechanism and making new healthy ones. And no matter how many times you say it's a life style change, it's still a diet. And dieting sucks. The real fight we should be having is with society, our society and the way we view food, and the way we over feed and over eat. We shouldn't embrace obesity, we should fight against the machine. But that's easier said than done really.

I am considered obese. When I tell people that, they look at me like I'm crazy, but being 40+ lbs overweight is considered obese. My BMI is 30.8. I would love to pretend I can embrace this, but I know deep down it's not working for me. I want to be a nice healthy sexy weight. I want to feel good about myself. Don't we all?

So it begins, the weight loss journey, and because there is no easy way to loose weight, no matter what you may read in other places, I'm doing it the hard way.