Not all days are good days

Maybe that should say, not all weeks are good weeks.  This was a hard week for me. I felt like giving up several times. Mostly due to kids stressing me out. For some reason, my usually sweet 5 year old was a holy terror this week. Not even exaggerating a little. She had me in tears in the mall food court. I cried all the way home.

On top of mommy stress was continued dieting stress. Dieting is stressful. At what point does it become a cake walk? No really, when do I get cake?!  I feel like all I do it think about numbers, and record. I spend my whole days looking at labels, and measuring. I just want eating to be simple again. I just want to choose something and eat without feeling guilt or worry over how many calories I just consumed.

But I've come too far now, I can't seem to stop the ball from rolling. I can't not think about calories.

What's even worse is that I feel like I'm at a stand still. I have been the same weight for two weeks. I am racking my brain trying to figure out what on earth I could be doing wrong. I had an hour long whine fest with my husband obsessing over how much I hate dieting and how unfair it is, and how my body never cooperates, and why the hell is it so freaking hard to loose one measly pound, and what am I doing wrong!! (He meanwhile has lost 5 pounds this week alone).

I was on the verge of giving up, but I didn't. I counted, and I hiked, and I counted, and went for a 3 mile walk with husband, and I woke up this morning with 1 inch gone from my waist and another pound down.

This is exhausting. The payout feels so ridiculously slow. Most days I just don't know if being skinny is worth all the work. But then I have to remind myself, you've come this far. You have worked super hard, and you may hate it, but how much will you hate it if you give up and gain back all that you lost in a week, when you have struggled for 4 weeks to lose it.

I keep thinking of my hill metaphor, Im part way up that hill, why on earth would I consciously choose to roll back now and start all over. I'm tired of starting over. I want all this hard work to mean something.

I can do this.