Reflecting

This has been a crazy week at work. Ended yesterday at 3:00 with 60 hours. So happy to have things slow down at work. I'm still tired and trying  to catch up, taking a day off today to just breath.

I've been reflecting on things. The stress of work the last two week lead to a lot of eating/drinking things that are not good for me. Of course those things made me feel worse, but somehow I had myself convinced they were going to make me feel better... our brains are pretty interesting, the habits we have cultivated for ourselves are powerful. I have myself convinced that "comfort foods" will ease the stress when in reality they make me more tired and stress my body out more! But I somehow operate in direct opposition to what I know is good for me.

I know I am not speaking for myself alone when I say the relationship we have with for is often our biggest obstacle when we are trying to be healthy and/or lose weight. In a conversation with my husband I theorized that part of my issue is that I go fast and hard into an eating plan and I end up feeling deprived. Then I slide into old habits and start eating those foods I have deemed as "evil" or unacceptable, and I feel bad, both emotionally and physically, because I start to over indulge. Then I 180 right back into my health mode and it starts all over again. The cycle has been playing out like this for about a year now.

I am desperately trying to find some balance, and really figure out where I want to be. It's such a challenge. The body I want, and the eating habits I want to have aren't compatible, so it's been difficult to find stability and consistency.

What I do know is that deprivation doesn't work. If I feel deprived at some point I'm going to fall off the wagon. Overindulging doesn't work. I feel sick and sluggish and I gain weight of course. I want to be strong, I want to be fit. I want to run, hike, bike, and do burpees with ease. I want to feel strong, I want to feel like a woman warrior!

What I really want is for the guilt associated with food to end. I want to find that healthy balance we are all searching for. I never imagined the journey would be so long, and ongoing. I really thought after a certain amount of time I would simply be a new person, with new habits and I would just feel differently. And I do to some extent, but it's not the total transformation I expected. The journey continues as I change and grow, and life changes. Adapting to new situations, and the curve balls life throws you affects the journey. I think the key is to love yourself and be gentle with yourself. Accept where you are and work towards what you want  remembering that you are doing your best, and life can be hard. Be happy! Smile, enjoy your life. In the end I highly doubt any of us will look back and wish we'd fit into that size 5. I think we will look back and wish we'd had fun, wish we'd been present, wish we'd taken risks, and enjoyed the journey.

If you are tired of starting over....

One of Autumn Calabrese's favorite things to say is... "If you are tired of starting over, stop giving up." Truer words were never spoken. However the advice is much harder to follow than one might imagine. In my journey over the past 2  1/2 years I have pretty much continued to keep gong, but i hit a slump, and I got tired and I got lazy, and unmotivated and I gave up for while. But here I am again, starting over.

The important thing really is not whether or not you give up, it's whether or not you start again. We all get busy, we all get tired, and unmotivated. It's hard to keep that kind of steam going forever.

Loving Yourself

Today I was thinking about the reasons we choose to lose weight. I think for many people the desire is to be thin, to be perceived as attractive, by themselves, by their peers. To be beautiful by whatever standards they are measuring themselves. The world tends to be a harsh judge and the motivation to lose many times comes more from self loathing, than from a desire to be healthy and strong.

I think for me it is a mix of both. It is almost impossible to ignore the world. To ignore the images around you, and not feel inadequate. My weight loss journey certainly did not begin as a desire to be healthy, and honestly it still isn't. Am I proud that my resting heart rate is 45? Hell yeah! Am I proud that I can run, and lift weights? Heck yes! I am thrilled with the strength I have gained, and the progress I have made regarding my health. I have two beautiful children that I want to see grow, and I hope to be a kick ass healthy grandma one day.

But that is not why I do this. This is just plain old honesty. I do this to feel good about myself. I do this to feel beautiful. I wish I could say it was about strength and health. That certainly sounds more inspiring.

Because this is my motivation it is difficult not have bad days, days where I beat myself up over 100 extra calories. Days where I feel guilt for not working out, days where I look in the mirror and feel deflated, and unsatisfied with my progress. Some of this is due to my goal driven personality. I tend to have an all or nothing style. I jump in with both feet and have high expectation of myself.

Despite all of this I am a very confident person. I feel good about who I am. I feel pretty proud of what I see in the mirror. I know I can do better. I know I am capable of so much more. I just need to make it happen. My disappointment in myself comes from the knowledge that I didn't do my best. I didn't give it my all. I have come to accept my stretch marks. I have come to accept a little sagging skin. It is what it is.

I am sharing this with you to say it's ok. It's ok to say I do this to feel beautiful. Just be careful. Your worth, my worth, is not tied to our weight. Your value is not based on a number on the scale, or your pants size.

You are beautiful, you are strong, You are capable of more than you know. I guess what I am saying is, don't wait until you are the "perfect" size to love yourself. Love who you are now. Loving yourself doesn't have to mean accepting the weight you are now. Loving yourself, can simply mean loving who you are in spite of your perceived flaws. Loving your smile, your laugh, your personality, your talents, your gifts. We should always be striving for growth and change. Strive to change the things you don't like, but love yourself through the change.

A Week of Workouts

I had a request for the workouts that i do at the gym. I figured I would blog it in case there was more interest. I don't want my body to get bored, or get used to the workouts I do, so I try to keep my body guessing.

Sunday: Rest day

Monday: 

Tuesday: 

Wednesday: 

Thursday: 

Friday: 

Today's workout (Friday) is listed as circuit training but more specifically it is Autumns Calabrese's 21 Day Fix Total Body Cardio. I will do this workout at home. On Wednesday you can see I also listed circuit training, I make myself cheat sheets to use at the gm of the 21 day fix workout routines. That day was Dirty 30. 

Saturday is yet to e determined, but I will probably be at the gym running intervals. I found this great new challenging routine on Pinterest.  

Speed     Incline      Duration

4mph        5%            5 min

6mph        2%            3min

7mph        2%            1min

3mph        10%          1min

Repeat 3 or 4 times 

I loved this one because it really worked my gluteus, and my hamstrings.

I get bored pretty easily with the same routine. I like things for a short period of time then find I need something new to stay motivated. I switch it up between floor routines and machines.

Dirty 30 Cheat Sheet

Today's gym cheat sheet... Dirty 30 workout from the 21 Day Fix

Warm Up: 2 times through
Run in place 1 minute
Jumping jacks 1 minute
Windmills 30 seconds forward 30 seconds backwards
Side stretch 30 seconds right 30 seconds left
Toe touches 1 minute alternating sides


Workout:  Each set is done two times, 1 minute per workout. 15 second rest between sets.

Set 1
Side Lunge with weights
Renegade Row (weights in hand in plank position, raise and lower the weight alternating sides)

Set 2
Sumo Row
Chest Fly Raise

Set 3 
Squat Lat Raise
Tricep Kick Back

Set 4 
Side bend with weights
Side Plank Raise ( Get in a side plank and lift and lower your leg 30 seconds right then turn over 30 seconds left)

Morning Smoothie

It's Your Choice

I have been thinking about this post for a little while now, and I think it is super important. Aside from our excuses, what really gets in the way of us losing weight? What keeps us from succeeding and reaching our goals?

It's that bullsh$@& story we keep telling ourselves. It's that idea that we have of who we are and what we can accomplish. We all have an idea of who we are. This can act as a road block moving forward. We get stuck in story that we have created. We have decided that we can't. We simply aren't that kind of person.

Prior to losing weight I had many attempts and fails. Each time I would tell myself I can't do this. I am not this person. I am not active, I am not a health nut. I had defined myself as lazy, unmotivated, incapable. I saw pictures of fit women and I thought "well they are clearly everything I am not."

The truth all along was that I had the power to choose. I was the one who built those walls that defined me and I had the power at any moment to tear them down. That's the greatest part! You have the power within yourself to wake up and decide to be different. You don't have to keep living that same old story. You can be someone new! It's amazing really when you think about it.

Every day is a new opportunity to stop telling yourself you can't and decide you are the kind of person who CAN. Think about who you want to be and why, and then simply decide to be it! We all have stumbling blocks and change is not perfect, it takes time, and you will have set backs. But you can keep reminding yourself that this is not who you are anymore.

If you lacked motivation you would not get up everyday and do what you had to do. You would not be mom, you would not cook, or clean, or help kids with school work. You would not meet friends, or read books, or take showers. Simply getting up every day and living requires motivation, so see you have that trait!! You are capable, you succeed at things every single day. You are worth it. You are amazing, you are kind, you are beautiful. You are the author of this story. It is YOUR life, you decide who you are and who you are not. You have the power over you.

Break the walls, shatter the misconceptions and redefine yourself. It's a new day :)