Reflecting

This has been a crazy week at work. Ended yesterday at 3:00 with 60 hours. So happy to have things slow down at work. I'm still tired and trying  to catch up, taking a day off today to just breath.

I've been reflecting on things. The stress of work the last two week lead to a lot of eating/drinking things that are not good for me. Of course those things made me feel worse, but somehow I had myself convinced they were going to make me feel better... our brains are pretty interesting, the habits we have cultivated for ourselves are powerful. I have myself convinced that "comfort foods" will ease the stress when in reality they make me more tired and stress my body out more! But I somehow operate in direct opposition to what I know is good for me.

I know I am not speaking for myself alone when I say the relationship we have with for is often our biggest obstacle when we are trying to be healthy and/or lose weight. In a conversation with my husband I theorized that part of my issue is that I go fast and hard into an eating plan and I end up feeling deprived. Then I slide into old habits and start eating those foods I have deemed as "evil" or unacceptable, and I feel bad, both emotionally and physically, because I start to over indulge. Then I 180 right back into my health mode and it starts all over again. The cycle has been playing out like this for about a year now.

I am desperately trying to find some balance, and really figure out where I want to be. It's such a challenge. The body I want, and the eating habits I want to have aren't compatible, so it's been difficult to find stability and consistency.

What I do know is that deprivation doesn't work. If I feel deprived at some point I'm going to fall off the wagon. Overindulging doesn't work. I feel sick and sluggish and I gain weight of course. I want to be strong, I want to be fit. I want to run, hike, bike, and do burpees with ease. I want to feel strong, I want to feel like a woman warrior!

What I really want is for the guilt associated with food to end. I want to find that healthy balance we are all searching for. I never imagined the journey would be so long, and ongoing. I really thought after a certain amount of time I would simply be a new person, with new habits and I would just feel differently. And I do to some extent, but it's not the total transformation I expected. The journey continues as I change and grow, and life changes. Adapting to new situations, and the curve balls life throws you affects the journey. I think the key is to love yourself and be gentle with yourself. Accept where you are and work towards what you want  remembering that you are doing your best, and life can be hard. Be happy! Smile, enjoy your life. In the end I highly doubt any of us will look back and wish we'd fit into that size 5. I think we will look back and wish we'd had fun, wish we'd been present, wish we'd taken risks, and enjoyed the journey.

Dirty 30 Cheat Sheet

Today's gym cheat sheet... Dirty 30 workout from the 21 Day Fix

Warm Up: 2 times through
Run in place 1 minute
Jumping jacks 1 minute
Windmills 30 seconds forward 30 seconds backwards
Side stretch 30 seconds right 30 seconds left
Toe touches 1 minute alternating sides


Workout:  Each set is done two times, 1 minute per workout. 15 second rest between sets.

Set 1
Side Lunge with weights
Renegade Row (weights in hand in plank position, raise and lower the weight alternating sides)

Set 2
Sumo Row
Chest Fly Raise

Set 3 
Squat Lat Raise
Tricep Kick Back

Set 4 
Side bend with weights
Side Plank Raise ( Get in a side plank and lift and lower your leg 30 seconds right then turn over 30 seconds left)

Morning Smoothie

Diet is not a verb

Somewhere in the course of history we added a second meaning to the word diet. It went from this

Noun: the kinds of food that a person, animal, or community habitually eats.


to this

Verb: restrict oneself to small amounts or special kinds of food in order to lose weight.

And that is the problem. When we think of the word diet we tend to think of the second definition. It is this dirty word that we all loath, and it has certain unmentioned caveats. One being, it is temporary. The original definition of the word diet is clearly not temporary, it is the kind of food you eat, you eat to live you eat every day, it is simply a description of the kind of foods you eat, nothing temporary about that.

But when we go on a diet, I think we all imagine it will be a temporary thing, "just till I lose the weight, then I won't have to be so restrictive." The truth is that's a sad little lie we tell ourselves to make it more manageable, more palatable. "I can do this because I don't have to do it forever."

But see the original definition tells us otherwise... Your diet is what you eat ALL the time. You have to keep it up, you have to keep going. You are making changes, you are not DIETING (verb), you are permanently changing your DIET (noun).

Personal story: when I started my weight loss journey I was determined. I was crazy about my diet and my workouts. I lost weight quick. I was down 30 pounds in 3 months. I was strict I was regimented, I said no to yummy things, I was a drill sergeant about working out even on vacation. I was committed. I was also under the illusion that it was temporary...

One day I had an ephiany. This is forever. If I go back even a little bit to the way I used to eat, the way I used to be about exercise, I will be right back where I started. I will gain it all back. I can never again be complacent about workouts, I can never again say "it's ok if I eat this."

This is a lifestyle change, you are changing who you are, changing your habits. You are a new different person. You have to give up the old and embrace the new. That was a hard pill to swallow. I reached a point where the weight stopped coming off. I kept up my "diet" (using it a s verb here) and saw no change no results, nothing. I hit a major plateau that I am still riding. The worst part about the whole thing was I kept thinking (and still do sometimes) but I am eating so well, I am doing so good, I am dieting! That kind of thinking discourages and leads to relapses.

Obviously this is my maintain point. It is going to take something drastic to get over this hump. I work out 4-6 times a week. I eat healthy, I count calories. I don't lose. I maintain, and that means if I stop, if I don't work out, if I don't eat this way I will start to gain.

You reach a point where you realize, these changes are permenant. I want you to know that now going into this so maybe you wan't be so shocked and disappointed like I was.

In all honesty I have a difficult time maintaining this. When I saw other mommies with stellar results and six packs and flat tummy's I used to think "I want that!" But now I know what it would take for me to get there, and I don't want it bad enough. It is easier to maintain than to lose especially when you are starting out. When I was heavier I burned so many more calories, now that I am 30 pounds lighter the same workout burns 1/4 of the calories it did before. That is discouraging, and makes it difficult.

I don't have the motivation or desire to have a flat tummy. And that is OK. My goal is to be happy and healthy and help my kids start good eating habits and have a good relationship with food while they are young. I would love to lose the extra fat I carry, but if that means more work than what I am doing now, it's simply not happening, and I am ok with that. I seriously have reached a peaceful place (after much whining and frustration).

You will reach a point where you are ready to stop "dieting" and simply maintain a healthy diet. Make your goals attainable, make them sustainable. Be happy with the little victories. If you find that you are miserable evaluate whether or not you can maintain this forever. You cannot think of this as a temporary thing. You are making changes for a lifetime. This is not A diet it is YOUR diet.