Loving Yourself

Today I was thinking about the reasons we choose to lose weight. I think for many people the desire is to be thin, to be perceived as attractive, by themselves, by their peers. To be beautiful by whatever standards they are measuring themselves. The world tends to be a harsh judge and the motivation to lose many times comes more from self loathing, than from a desire to be healthy and strong.

I think for me it is a mix of both. It is almost impossible to ignore the world. To ignore the images around you, and not feel inadequate. My weight loss journey certainly did not begin as a desire to be healthy, and honestly it still isn't. Am I proud that my resting heart rate is 45? Hell yeah! Am I proud that I can run, and lift weights? Heck yes! I am thrilled with the strength I have gained, and the progress I have made regarding my health. I have two beautiful children that I want to see grow, and I hope to be a kick ass healthy grandma one day.

But that is not why I do this. This is just plain old honesty. I do this to feel good about myself. I do this to feel beautiful. I wish I could say it was about strength and health. That certainly sounds more inspiring.

Because this is my motivation it is difficult not have bad days, days where I beat myself up over 100 extra calories. Days where I feel guilt for not working out, days where I look in the mirror and feel deflated, and unsatisfied with my progress. Some of this is due to my goal driven personality. I tend to have an all or nothing style. I jump in with both feet and have high expectation of myself.

Despite all of this I am a very confident person. I feel good about who I am. I feel pretty proud of what I see in the mirror. I know I can do better. I know I am capable of so much more. I just need to make it happen. My disappointment in myself comes from the knowledge that I didn't do my best. I didn't give it my all. I have come to accept my stretch marks. I have come to accept a little sagging skin. It is what it is.

I am sharing this with you to say it's ok. It's ok to say I do this to feel beautiful. Just be careful. Your worth, my worth, is not tied to our weight. Your value is not based on a number on the scale, or your pants size.

You are beautiful, you are strong, You are capable of more than you know. I guess what I am saying is, don't wait until you are the "perfect" size to love yourself. Love who you are now. Loving yourself doesn't have to mean accepting the weight you are now. Loving yourself, can simply mean loving who you are in spite of your perceived flaws. Loving your smile, your laugh, your personality, your talents, your gifts. We should always be striving for growth and change. Strive to change the things you don't like, but love yourself through the change.