And... It's still hard

At one point I contemplated changing the name of this blog, but I'm glad I didn't. I put on 4 lbs over the holidays (6 if we look at the scale today) and I am getting myself ready to get rid of it. And guess what? It's hard. It's still hard. Even after almost two years of keeping the weight off, even after losing the first 30lbs, it is still hard and I am kicking the bricks because I wish it wasn't!

I want it to be easy. I want to be happy about it. I know once I get going and once I start to see results I will be happy, but at the moment I'm bitter. My biggest issue since I lost that weight has been continuing to lose. Fall 2013 I hit a plateau, and I literally haven't budged since. I have sort of tried new things, but everything I have done has only served to maintain my current weight. Right before Thanksgiving I somehow dropped down to 166, which was odd because I kinda stopped working out. Then the holidays happened and I really let it slide. I continued to work our but ate terribly. Now here I am on a chilly Tuesday morning at 172.2 grrrr.

It sucks because I was eating pretty well prior to the holidays, I was working out 4-5 times a week and I was MAINTAINING That was a challenge already. saying no to yummy treats was already hard, now I am heavier and in order to lose I actually have to push myself even harder! It sucks so bad.

I started doing more research because I always feel like I am floundering. I can't figure out cardio, or weights, carbs or no crabs, am I eating too much? Too little? It's so confusing. Why was I openly maintaining before? Clearly I was eating too much, not burning enough right? My most recent research seems to indicate that my first goal has to be fat loss. I have got to get rid of the excess fluff before I can start to tone and see the results I want. So that means cutting calories. All the calculators keep telling me the same thing. To lose 15lbs in 60 days I will need to eat 1556 calories a day. That's it?? Holy smokes. I have been eating close to 2200 a day for months. Now I have to cut back. To be fair I have had days were I was closer to 1600-1800 but still... I'm a hungry girl! Looks like it's veggies, veggies, veggies for me.  

So my goal is to move forward armed with this knowledge and just freaking commit. Just do it. not for a week, but for as long as it takes. Just commit to an idea and give it at least a month to work. I am the queen of starting something and giving up a week or two in deciding it's not working. I don't know that I truly give anything enough time. Why? Because it's hard! I remember when I first started March 2013. It was hard. I was upset I was moody and angry, and I struggled, and it was HARD. That's how the blog got its name. Weight loss is not easy. I am just having such a hard time committing to going back to that place. I have been so comfortable where I am. Mostly content. Wanting a better body, but also telling myself that required to much work.

So here's to losing it the hard way in 2015. I have to be 100% honest I am not feeling it. I am just not there for some reason. Maybe it's the cold, the snow, working full time and begin mommy. I don't know. But I know I am having a head time feeling committed. Hoping to find my motivation.