Turning point

As I stood in my kitchen tonight stuffing just 2 more cookies in my mouth, adding up to a total of 8, I mentally took a step back and thought wow... This is gross. Is this who I have become again? This person I worked so hard not to be for the last 9 months? Have I seriously sunk this low that I have lost all will power, all self control, that I will eat just two more cookies even though I feel like I may puke up the ones I already ate?

This is what eating your stress looks like, and it's ugly. It's ugly  and depressing and I want out. We hit a very big bump in our lives recently. Big changes are coming in all directions and anyone who knows me knows I'm pretty uptight about change. These changes are unpredictable and frankly I am stressed the f&$@ out. My body is so run down from the constant worry that I am exhausted even when I get a full nights sleep. I feel like I have been hit by a bus. I'm run down  and worn out to the max. The daily grind is also wearing me out, and adding to my loss of motivation.

I see myself slipping back into a very sad place with food, and my weight and I don't like it at all.

I was happy  when I was eating right, I had energy, I felt good and I felt light. I feel heavy and sluggish now, I feel gross and unhappy. That has to stop.

I did it before and I can do it again. I can find the willpower in me before it's too late, before I undo everything I worked so hard for.

So this is it, my ultimatum to me, put down the cookie or else.... Or else you will be sad, or else you will feel sick, or else you will feel guilty and you will allow food to control you. Get over yourself and get on with your life. Yes things are stressful but this is not the healthy way to deal with that. Gaining weight will only make you more stressed and unhappy.

Tomorrow is a new day, and I will find my motivation and toss the cookies.