I have struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life, since I was a little girl. I used food as an escape. Food was good, it didn't judge me. I fed my anxiety with food, which led to more anxiety over being overweight. I fed my depression with food, which led to more depression over being fat. It was vicious cycle that I think many of us fall into.
At some point I decided I was tired of being fat and I took things to extremes. I didn't actually resolve any of my issues, I simply used my dysfunction in the opposite direction. I starved myself thin. I exercised obsessively. I lost about between 60-70 lbs in one year. I was convinced all my problems were caused by being overweight, and if I was just skinny I could be happy. Being thin was the answer. But it wasn't.
All my insecurities and anxieties still existed. I hadn't actually worked through any of it. I hadn't faced any of my problems. I had starved them hoping they would disappear.
Looking back now I only have about 5 photos of that time in my life where I was my thinnest. The sick part was that I still felt fat.
The point of all this is that we all have issues, some of us more than others, and for whatever reason we have turned to food to comfort us, to reward ourselves, to mask the pain of whatever we are afraid to face. Maybe what we are afraid to face is simply the fear that we can't lose weight. The fear of failure. Or maybe our problems lie much deeper. Food addiction is a real thing. And it is powerful. People use food all the time to self medicate just like alcoholics do.
The hard part is that an alcoholic can avoid alcohol if they want to quit, but we have to eat every day to survive. We have to face our addiction a minimum of three times a day, and that is hard.
The first thing you have to do is admit to yourself that you have been using food as a crutch, that you have been using food as a comfort, as a therapist, as a friend, a lover. But food is none of those things. Then you have to realize being skinny is not going to fix your insecurities. It is not the answer. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't eat healthy and lose weight, it just means you need to resolve your issues as well. It's a process, it's a journey. There is no quick answer. Alcoholics have to go to AA. It's a 12 step process and then a life time of making the choice every day. So a food addiction is going to have steps. It's going to be a battle. It's going to be hard, and it's going to hurt. As silly as it sounds you may cry, you may be angry and resentful. But it's all part of the process.
For those of you have seen the Biggest Loser, you have witnessed the emotional breakdowns. The process brings all those emotions and deep issues to the surface. Taking away the food opens up pandoras box. You have to be brave! Don't be afraid to let it go.
The only way to over come problems is to face them head on. Face your fears, face your sadness. Write it all out, write them down problem by problem, and look at what you have written down. Decide what you can fix and what you can't. Some of the reasons we eat are things that we can't change. If you can change something, do it. If you can't, then change your mind about it. Sometimes this cannot be done alone. Sometimes you need help and there is no shame in that. See therapist. It helps!
Once you have faced it and accepted it you have to find new ways to cope. Find other things that make you happy. Maybe working out can be one of the things that can make you happy. Listen to your favorite music, read your favorite book, start meditating, start yoga, watch your favorite movie, take a relaxing bath, call a friend, go out. Maybe you just need to have a good cry and let it go. Finding other ways to cope is huge. If you don't you will go right back to food.
Food never really fixed anything. Food made you feel better for a second, but then made you feel worse. Remember that. Remind yourself every time you open your cabinet hoping a sweet treat will fix your bad day. Paste your new skills in the cabinet so when you open it you see alternatives.
It kills me to see people who so desperately want to lose weight keep struggling because they just can't move past their food issues. They come up with one excuse after the other (and believe me I have too). Be stronger than your excuses. Be stronger than food. Don't let food control you. You are in control of you. Make changes today. You are so much stronger than you know. Stronger than you believe.
No comments:
Post a Comment